he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
