My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
