You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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