What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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