get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
