summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
