Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
