just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
