no, he came in my armpit
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She told me I should be a condom model.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
