While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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