So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
