Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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