you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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