Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
