If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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