If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
