A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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