I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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