Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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