So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Operation Purity has been aborted
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
