Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
