I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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