It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
