walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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