i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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