i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
