last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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