You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize