Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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