; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
