so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
