I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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