I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
