she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
