Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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