I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
