So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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