Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
