I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
