im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
