Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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