Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
