He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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