New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
