I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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