That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
