you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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