if i can run in heels then i can drive
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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