I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
