I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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