you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
