Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
