Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I could fuck to npr.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
