stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.