New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car