Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.

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(816): Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0tqt

Replies (11) Good night (740) Bad night (3106)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.

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(603): Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/y50b

Replies (16) Good night (2377) Bad night (2448)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.

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(423): two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars. http://tfl.nu/vo0x

Replies (35) Good night (1007) Bad night (6651)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So for us it's double that?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Precisely.

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(570): Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime. (717): So for us it's double that? (570): Precisely. http://tfl.nu/p9hg

Replies (33) Good night (5139) Bad night (832)
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(518): View more from New York

you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face

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(518): you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face http://tfl.nu/32pr

Replies (24) Good night (3531) Bad night (782)
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(937): View more from Ohio

they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"

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(937): they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America" http://tfl.nu/sewn

Replies (7) Good night (4424) Bad night (1062)
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(816): View more from Missouri

i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you

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(816): i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you http://tfl.nu/on8e

Replies (2) Good night (1929) Bad night (627)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.

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(847): Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light. http://tfl.nu/vezf

Replies (5) Good night (2825) Bad night (772)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league

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(973): I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league http://tfl.nu/mvb2

Replies (2) Good night (1368) Bad night (436)
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(702): View more from Nevada

there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...

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(702): there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya... http://tfl.nu/edke

Replies (6) Good night (680) Bad night (1119)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.

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(+61): I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes. http://tfl.nu/bcwt

Replies (3) Good night (417) Bad night (755)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.

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(603): Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/ouph

Replies (3) Good night (323) Bad night (667)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.

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(586): Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh. http://tfl.nu/lt2m

Replies (3) Good night (795) Bad night (304)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am

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(847): Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am http://tfl.nu/mhm6

Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (300)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".

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(774): He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water". http://tfl.nu/jyhw

Replies (0) Good night (627) Bad night (185)

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