Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
