that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
