Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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