$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
