He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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