My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
