Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Houston, we have a blender
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
