Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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