I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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