For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
