Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
