I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
