So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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