Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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