are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
