oh god the rape fog is back!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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