Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
