it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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