she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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